Remembering You Are Enough: Moonwood’s Guide to Slaying Imposter Syndrome
No matter how hard you try or even how well you’re doing in life, have you ever felt a bit of guilt setting in? It’s almost as if your mind is telling you, “Hey, who do you think you are? Throw in the towel!”
If you feel like you’re alone in this feeling, the good news (depending on how you look at it) is that you’re not. In fact, we all suffer from imposter syndrome at some point or another.
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What exactly is imposter syndrome?
Long story short, imposter syndrome is a feeling of inadequacy, of not being enough. Basically, it’s that nagging feeling of being a fraud or not as good as the next person (which we know is not true of course, because you’re a beautiful badass).
Of course, most cases of imposter syndrome don’t actually tell a person’s level of smarts or success. In fact, of the 70% of people struggling with these feels, a large majority of them are smart and accomplished individuals able to tackle any and all goals and tasks.
Unfortunately, because imposter syndrome doesn’t go away with success, positive reinforcements, or achieving great things, it tends to be a tough habit to break. Sometimes it even gets worse with even greater success, such as a writer breaking into the New York Times Bestseller stat.
When someone has imposter syndrome, achieving this new big goal often leads to feelings of self-doubt, worry, or even anxiety. In response, folks tend to either overcompensate, procrastinate, or a mix of both.
From there, someone suffering from imposter syndrome ends up riding an inconsistent wave of effort or luck to accomplish the task and feel relieved for getting there, all while completely ignoring any kind gestures or kudos or words.
After all, meeting that goal has little to do with their actual capabilities, at least in an “imposter’s” eyes. It was a fluke or some kind of mistake. In fact, Oscar-winning actress Lupita Nyong’o once said that winning the Oscar made her imposter syndrome worse because living up to that success felt out of her league.
If you’re feeling alone in this, you’re not. As you can see, imposter syndrome affects even the most prestigious of folks like Nyong’o.
Why you’ve gotta get over it
Does everything you just read sound tragic? Well, it is. If you continue to let it happen in your life, it’ll eventually suck you dry of all good feelings you have about yourself, even to the point where you don’t care about success or doing great in life anymore. Who wants to live like that? Not you, not I, not anyone.
But the great thing about imposter syndrome is that it’s a cycle that can be stopped. It’ll take some tough effort, of course, but that’s a part of life, amirite?
Sure, having doubt is a very natural (and even healthy) part of life. Doubt can help you to realize your weaknesses and your strengths, which can help you to further improve and grow in your life.
The issue, of course, is when doubt takes over your life and becomes imposter syndrome. When doubt destroys your ability to function and do even minor things without feeling guilty, that’s imposter syndrome setting in.
If negative “I can’t” phrases fill your mind very often, change is absolutely essential. As we mentioned earlier, it’s absolutely possible and is a grind—one that requires active, daily work and effort.
Ready to switch up your life and grab it by the horns? Sip your coffee, and buckle up. Let’s get it.
So how do you make it happen?
Thankfully, step one of slaying your inner-imposter is done: you acknowledged that it exists and you’re in good company with your feelings. I’m sure you’ve heard of Kate Winslet, the lady who played Rose in Titanic and who let go of Jack’s hand.
Why didn’t she offer him a lift on top of the door float? Surely there was enough space, right? Maybe they could’ve taken shifts? Besides the point, but still.
Anywaysssss, in a 2009 interview, Winslett shared her super relatable inner-monologue that goes like this: “I’m there thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m rubbish and everyone is going to see it. They’ve cast the wrong person.’” As you can see, even the most famous stars go through it too.
In a twisted but true way, imposter syndrome is actually selfish. It’s selfish because it implies that the fate of a project or goal or all of humanity rests in your ability to do something without error. We know this isn’t true, of course, so why do we act like this? There’s no good reason.
And so, the next step in slaying your imposter is realizing that life as we know it is bigger (much bigger) than you. This is not meant to belittle you (because you’re a star, baby, you’re a star), but you’ve gotta think of it like this sometimes: you’re one person out of billions of people, trillions of living beings, living on a rock (earth) that is amongst several plants in our solar system, that is one of trillions in our galaxy, that is only one of trillions (if not more) of other galaxies that exist in the universe. To top it off the universe is ever-expanding, which only means you’re always becoming a smaller fraction of the whole.
Now again, this is not meant to belittle you. Rather, it’s meant to empower you. Instead of thinking that everything in existence rests on your shoulders, you can actually find peace in knowing that you have way less responsibility than that. You’re only truly accountable for yourself, and that’s great news.
Our reason for thinking and doing needs to be about more than just ourselves and that requires the help of others. Directors and costume designers and dialogue coaches support actresses in their task of storytelling. Editors and fact-checkers give a writer’s words strength and truth that will engage readers. You are not on an island and asking for and acknowledging help exists doesn’t brand you a fraud.
If you’re feeling like a fraud, consider how people less experienced at what you do might be feeling. Probably just as insecure if not more! It may seem counter-intuitive, with your inner-imposter reminding you that you suck, but reaching out to mentor others in your field who are a few steps behind is a critical step in recognizing you do not, in fact, suck. You contain knowledge and experience no one else does and sharing those things serves as both a reminder of what you do well and helps others grow.
Mentoring isn’t the only way to remind yourself that you’re a talented beauty. Imposters often avoid things that are self-aggrandizing—basically we don’t like to receive credit, because we feel we aren’t the reason for the success.
But making lists of what you’re good at and what makes you truly unique go a long way in breaking the imposter syndrome cycle. As imposters, we’re great at reminding ourselves what we do wrong (as we all do). So for a change, why not scatter post-its around your home and office of what you’re doing awesome at? Those daily, gentle reminders chip away at all the unkind thoughts we impose on ourselves.
What keeps the imposter cycle going is when we consistently stay focused on the negatives and potential failures in life. Why not flip that narrative and visualize success? Whether this is an internal reflection or a physical list (with some wiggle room) with pen and paper, taking the time to consider that you can reach that point and the steps it will take to get there takes away some of the pressure your imposter feels puts on you. Be sure to include past successes in each visualization—they are your building blocks toward progress.
Imposter syndrome doesn’t work alone
More often than not, imposter syndrome works in close unison with other self-defeating tricks our minds play on us. Here are a few more all-too-common syndromes and some pointers for moving past them.
Superhero Syndrome
“Sigh, no one will do it so I guess I gotta get it done myself again.” Does this sound like you? This might take you back to those group projects in grade school when you assumed responsibility for the entire thing for no reason other than thinking you were the only person capable of getting it done. This isn’t true of course.
Unfortunately, this feeling of having to do everything leads to being a yes man/woman— basically, you never say no to anything, even if you don’t want to do it or don’t have time. That’s what we call superhero syndrome and its cure is the word NO. Saying no more often, establishing boundaries, and knowing your limits is an important sign of humility and will make everything else you do shine even more.
Comparisonitis
The grass is always greener, amirite? Comparing ourselves to others is nothing new, but social media worsens our tendency to measure our own worth and accomplishments based on our perception of another person.
But what we see in others is not the full picture. We don’t see the mess or mistakes, their own inner-turmoil, or both the ladders and roadblocks they’ve been given. We don’t know their full story. Understanding how unfair we’re being to ourselves by measuring our self-worth against an incomplete story is the first step to recovering from comparisonitis. Your happiness depends on you and not someone’s perfectly filtered version of themselves.
Analysis Paralysis
Ever have too many options that you decide to do nothing at all? There is such a thing as having too many choices—all of which can paralyze us into inaction. Rather than feeling empowered to make informed decisions, the seemingly limitless possibilities out there impose a fear of making the wrong one. It’s safer not to make a decision than to make the wrong one. Right? Nope. Making decisions is about information but it’s also a calculated risk. All you can do is realize you’ll never have all the answers, so your decisions will be based on the best information available to you — and not giving yourself a PhD in one specific question.
Perfectionism
Sure it sucks to make a mistake, we get it. But no one is perfect. Telling yourself that perfection is your only option, especially when trying something new, just sets you up for a series of failures and that’s not okay. Accepting that everyone (literally everyone) is not perfect will take some of the pressure off yourself when you’re working toward a goal. Reframing mistakes as learning opportunities will help switch your mindset from perfection to growth.
Lone Wolf Syndrome
It’s lonely at the top—especially when you’re running your own business (many of our Moonwooders are teams of one!). Lone wolf syndrome is that feeling like you don’t have anyone to turn to for advice or to help with making decisions or coming up with new shiny ideas.
Being independent is great in many ways. However, it does get lonely, so you need to be able to reach out to others. But if you’re feeling like you’re on an island of one, you can guarantee others do too. Joining groups for entrepreneurs, where you can vent or act as each other’s sounding boards turns a lone wolf into a pack.
Decision Fatigue
Decisions decisions decisions. Whereas analysis paralysis stops us from making decisions altogether, decision fatigue comes after a long day or week or month of nothing but decisions.
Making decisions is actually a lot of work for the brain, so this makes sense that the exhaustion that comes with having to make big important decisions can lead to irrational and impulsive decision making. Therefore, it’s important to give yourself time to recover between decisions. You can’t build a business—or even one arm of a business—overnight.
Decision making should be thoughtful and spread out, with the understanding that if you make a wrong decision or simply change your mind, nothing is permanent. Rome wasn’t built in a day and its weathered centuries of change. Don’t let your work be the exception.
Shiny Object Syndrome
Always seeking to own the latest gear and tech toys? Shiny objects are often new and cool and aspirational, but they’re also distractions. Just because something you don’t have comes into view does not mean it’s what’s best for you or your work and life.
Like comparisonitis, shiny object syndrome tells us that what we don’t have is better than what we do. But no one knows what’s best for you or your business but you. Don’t let shiny objects, whether they’re quick fixes, a new version of what you already have, or used by the subject of your comparisonitis, take you away from the roadmap you’ve set for yourself.
You are enough...and you’re not alone
The key to slaying imposter syndrome, or any other mind trick or -itis is remembering you’re not alone. To get you started on your journey to deactivating your imposter syndrome, do this quick task:
In your journal or notebook, write down a list of everything you’re great at, no matter how small it may seem. If you’re a great singer, write that down. If you can destroy someone in Mario Kart, jot it on the list. Heck, if you’re amazing at doing laundry, write it down too.
You’ve been focusing on your negatives for too long, and it’s time to turn your attention to the positives about yourself (and there are many). You are enough, my friend. Believe that.
At Moonwood, our Moonwood Directory exists to create support and community among solo entrepreneurs, makers, and creators. This guide is your first step in the right direction. The next step is joining us here.
